Have you ever thought you could stuff yourself into those jeans from your teenage years? The main event was getting them on, so why not celebrate by wearing them to the grocery store? Please spare the on lookers. We don't want to see your muffin top rolled over the 90's Jordache jeans, while you carefully breathe in your yoga breaths so nothing bursts for the great wide world to see.
This is Crystal's first public service announcement, so listen closely. Just because you can squeeze yourself into to something, does not mean it fits. Just because you can button it, zip it, stretch it, does not mean a thing. If you can see any camel toes, muffin tops, cellulite dimples, thongs, ass tattoos or any body hair. Please change your clothing immediately for public welfare. We don't want to see you on the People of Walmart videos.
Thank you! You may now resume normal activities. Unless, your listed above. If so, please change in a quick, constructive manner.
